The Magic of Mom & Dad’s Bed: Why Little Feet Wander at Night

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical, psychological, or parenting advice. Always consult with a qualified professional for concerns related to child development, sleep practices, or mental health.

There’s something undeniably magical about a child slipping into their parents’ bed in the middle of the night—the warmth, the comfort, the steady rhythm of a heartbeat nearby. For parents, it might mean waking up on the edge of the mattress with a tiny foot in their ribs, but for children, it’s something much deeper.

Long after bedtime stories fade and nightlights glow softly in the dark, many children still find themselves drawn to the safety of their parents’ bed. But why? Psychologists and researchers have long studied this nighttime migration, and the answer lies in attachment theory and the powerful emotional security that co-sleeping provides.

The Attachment Connection: Feeling Safe to Explore the World

Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby (1982), suggests that infants and young children form deep emotional bonds with their caregivers as a survival mechanism. These bonds shape how children respond to stress, build relationships, and develop independence.

At night, when the world feels dark and quiet, a child’s biological instinct tells them to seek closeness to their caregiver—just like they did as babies. This isn’t simply a habit; it’s an ingrained response that makes them feel safe and secure. Their subconscious need for connection overrides the expectation of staying in their own bed, drawing them back to the presence of the people they trust most.

The Science of Comfort: Lowering Stress Hormones

From a physiological perspective, being close to a parent at night has measurable benefits. Studies have shown that co-sleeping can lower cortisol levels, the body’s primary stress hormone (Maunder & Hunter, 2008). When children feel anxious or fearful at night—whether from nightmares, separation anxiety, or just the unfamiliar silence of their own room—their body releases cortisol, making it harder to relax and fall back asleep.

However, when they crawl into bed with their parents, something remarkable happens. The warmth, familiar scent, and rhythmic sound of breathing trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the “love hormone” (Uvnas-Moberg, 2003). This shift helps regulate their nervous system, reducing stress and promoting feelings of safety. In other words, snuggling up to a parent isn’t just a habit—it’s a natural way for a child’s brain to reset and find security in the stillness of the night.

The Need for Emotional Reassurance

Young children are in a constant state of emotional development, learning how to manage their fears, regulate emotions, and understand the world around them. At night, when they feel most vulnerable, co-sleeping can act as an emotional reset button, providing the reassurance they need to develop independence at their own pace (Sroufe, 2005).

Contrary to the worry that co-sleeping may foster dependence, many experts suggest that feeling secure in childhood allows children to become more confident in the long run. A child who knows they have a safe place to turn to is more likely to explore the world with courage during the day, knowing that home is always a place of refuge.

The Fleeting Magic of Midnight Snuggles

It’s important to remember that children don’t stay little forever. The phase of nighttime snuggles and sleepy “I love yous” will eventually fade into mornings where they wake up on their own, in their own space. One day, you’ll realize that no little feet have tiptoed into your bed for weeks, and you’ll wonder when it stopped happening.

So while it might feel exhausting some nights, the moments of comfort and security your child finds in your bed aren’t just about sleep—they’re about connection. And that’s a gift that lasts far beyond childhood.

References

Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Maunder, R., & Hunter, J. J. (2008). Attachment relationships as determinants of physical health. Journal of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(1), 11-32.

Sroufe, L. A. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & Human Development, 7(4), 349-367.

Uvnas-Moberg, K. (2003). The oxytocin factor: Tapping the hormone of calm, love, and healing. Da Capo Press